The average parent has children 2.5 years apart—a window that supports pregnancy recovery and sibling connection. This means that most parents of multiple children will have a toddler and an infant at the same time.
Your toddler won’t be the only one going through a transition. Parenting two (or more) little ones is a tough, but rewarding job. And we know you’re up for it! Keep reading for 8 ways to prepare your toddler to become a big brother or sister.
You might also like: 8 Ways That Pregnancy Is Different After Your First Baby
1. Don’t share the news too early
Toddlers live in the moment and don’t yet understand the abstract concept of time. When you share that a new baby is coming, your toddler may be confused when they don’t show up right away. (And may spill the beans to others sooner than you’d like!) On the other hand, waiting too late to tell your toddler about their new sibling may feel startling or even upsetting.
Pediatricians recommend telling your toddler about the new baby in the second trimester, as your pregnancy becomes more visible and routine changes impact your child.
2. Keep the news simple and age-appropriate
Toddlers don’t need to know all the details of conception, due dates, and your pregnancy journey. Keep the explanation simple and repeatable: “There’s a baby growing in Mommy’s belly. The baby will come live with us when they get bigger.”
3. Make the idea of the new baby real
Tangible experiences can help your toddler understand—and get excited about—the baby on the way. Help your toddler connect with the idea of a new sibling by:
- Reading books about babies and becoming a big brother/sister
- Looking at photos of your toddler as a baby
- Pointing out other babies you encounter in your community
- Letting your toddler engage with your bump (feeling kicks, talking to baby, etc.)
4. Involve your toddler in preparation for baby
To cultivate a sense of inclusion and excitement for the new baby, invite your toddler to help you prepare. Give them the opportunity to make low-stakes decisions—choosing a toy, blanket or onesies—and pitch in as you get set up around the house. Express appreciation for your toddler’s help, so they feel proud. “You’re such a helpful big sister! We’ll use this when we change the baby’s diapers.”
5. Discuss what will change (and what won’t)
A new sibling is a BIG deal, so use the months ahead to discuss the topic with your toddler. This can naturally arise from books you read or other babies you see out in the world. “See how that little boy is holding his baby sister? If you want, you can hold the new baby like that.”
Be honest about some of the challenges on the way, too. “This baby in the book is crying in the middle of the night. That will happen sometimes with our new baby, and Mommy and Daddy will take care of her.”
Reassure your toddler that some things—like your love, attention, and the fun you have together—will not change.
6. Make “big kid” changes before the baby arrives
If your toddler’s approaching new milestones or transitions—getting a “big kid” bed, potty training, or starting a new activity—gradually introduce these changes before the new baby arrives. Celebrate these changes as something exciting, not an obligation now that they’re a “big kid” or “because the baby’s coming.”
If your toddler’s on the cusp of a big change when the new baby arrives, be sensitive to how disruptive this period may be. Give your kiddo (and yourself) some grace and work toward independence on a timeline that works for your family.
7. Make a plan for the big day
Ahead of baby’s arrival, make a plan for what that day looks like for your toddler.
Who will care for them while you’re giving birth?
How will you check in while you’re away?
When and where will your toddler “meet” the new baby?
This may be your first significant time apart from your toddler, so you may want to share an overview of the plan with them ahead of time. “When the baby comes, I’ll go to the hospital with Daddy, and you’ll go to Grandma Lola’s house to play. Then we’ll all see each other at the hospital when the new baby is born.”
8. Expect big feelings
Even the most prepared and excited toddler can feel jealous and upset when the new baby arrives. They may regress and become clingier than usual. This is normal, and we promise it’ll pass.
In the early postpartum days, you’ll probably also feel emotional and exhausted. Being a parent of multiple little ones is a major adjustment. Rest assured that you have enough love and energy to go around. Be patient with yourself and the rest of your family members as you settle into a new rhythm together.
