Though first developed as a guide to romantic relationships, the 5 Love Languages has become a well-known framework for how different personalities give and receive love. According to author Gary Chapman, a pastor who counseled couples, each person has a primary and secondary love language that makes them feel valued and understood within relationships.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

Words of affirmation: Showing love aloud or in writing, with compliments and encouragement.

Quality time: Showing love through undivided attention, meaningful conversation, and shared activities.

Gifts: Showing love through thoughtful tokens that symbolize appreciation and affection.

Acts of service: Showing love by performing helpful tasks that ease a burden. 

Physical touch: Showing love through hugging, kissing, and other acts of physical affection.

The 5 Love Languages is not rooted in formal psychology, but it's relatable and easy to apply across a variety of contexts. The best-selling book has expanded into a series focused on various groups, including men, teens, single people, and even co-workers.

Which might make you wonder…. 

Do children have a love language?

In the development years from birth to age three, little one’s love language is simple: being with YOU. From day one, you’re their favorite person, first teacher, and most trusted caregiver. Every moment you’re patient and present with them is quality time.

As little one grows up, your relationship will evolve. You’ll create early memories, set the first routines, and build the foundation together. Then little one will figure out the rest. They’ll develop their own preferences, try on new identities, and gravitate toward specific love languages.

Until then, we encourage you and little one to explore them all.

How can parents use the 5 Love Languages with their children?

Words of affirmation

Actions speak louder than words, but words are important, too. Praise little one in a way that supports a growth mindset. Instead of focusing on a fixed quality (“You’re such a good girl.”), praise a specific effort they made (“You were kind when you shared your toys, and I was proud of you.”).

In addition to "I love you," you can expand on what makes your child so special. For example, “I love being your mom. You make me laugh so much.”

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Quality time

No need for a special outing or activity, quality time is about being fully present with your child. This can be done in short sessions or tied to everyday routines, like the drive to daycare or bedtime. 

Try to get on your child’s level and make eye contact. Let them pick the activity you’ll do together, or involve them in your own tasks. Talk, laugh, be in the moment. These are the good old days!

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Gifts

The love language of gifts is often misunderstood and dismissed. But it’s not about receiving items of material value. Instead, these gifts are meaningful symbols of affection and care. A gift can be something as simple as a sticker shaped like your kiddo’s favorite animal. Maybe it’s a memento of an activity you shared, like a pebble you found on a walk in the park. 

For children, giving a gift can be just as exciting as receiving one. Accept any treasures your child offers with appreciation. You don’t have to keep all 342 drawings they make you, but offer thanks and admiration in the moment, so they feel seen.

Acts of service

All of parenting is an act of service. As a love language, though, this refers to showing up for little ones through helpful actions they recognize. Patching up a stuffed animal they’ve loved to pieces. Helping them complete a tricky task, like removing a jacket. Joining the search for a misplaced toy. 

It’s all about the intention—a desire to help, rather than an obligation. As your child gets older, they’ll start to experiment with acts of service, too. Nurture this behavior as much as you can. This is how a sweet toddler grows into a compassionate, considerate adult.  

Physical touch

This love language probably comes most naturally to parents. You’ve been snuggling, carrying, hugging, rocking, and loving on baby from the beginning. Little ones get squirmier and more independent as they get older. And don’t get us started on the big kid years. 

Snuggles may be harder to come by over time, but your loving, familiar touch will always be comforting. It just might evolve, from a bear hug to a reassuring shoulder squeeze or pat on the back. The more your entire family practices this love language, the more fluent you stay in it.